THE APPLE DOESNT FALL FAR FROM THE TREE

Based on my personal experiences, I have compiled a list of advice to raise a happy healthy child. My step daughter is one of my favorite people on this planet. I love and nurture her as my own since she was 3 years old. She is 8 going on 9 now and I won’t say that it is not challenging and exhausting but I give it 100%. She has not been fortunate with her biological mother.  Despite her trials in life she exceeds my expectations in behavior, politeness and respect as a direct result of me and my husband’s guidance. So that is what I will focus on. We are still working on responsibilities and commitment …  (I’ll let you know the science to making that work when I figure it out) ;)  

Nature and nurture are in a infinite battle to claim the character of our children. There are many things we as parents can do to safeguard our children. We can limit their exposure to damaging elements the world will see fit to introduce in time, and do our best to raise a healthy and happy child.

Here are a few secrets that I live by to ensure a Happy child

1.     LOVE ABUNDANTLY .

Let them see that they are the light in your life. Acknowledge them when they walk in a room with contentment and genuine interest.

The most important job of us parents,  is to love and truly be interested in your children. This gives them a sense of security, belonging, and support, but also soothes the difficulties of childhood.

The job of parents is in its simplest form is LOVE  the two ways I look at it are:

First, love should be constant and unconditional--love must always be there, even when the child is misbehaving.

Second, the parents should express and show their love openly so that the

            children never doubt its presence.

2.     DISCIPLINE CONSTRUCTIVELY

Discipline means establishing and following to rules. After love, it is important to give a clear expectation conduct. Discipline is critical preparation for the outside world. It is better to use positive statements and say "Do this" more often

than "Don't do that." It is essential to punish the child when you say you will (this is something that my husband struggles with, but he has really come a long way in understanding its importance and the importance of being in unison with your spouse on discipline. Never undermine or second guess one another’s decision when disciplining. Be firm saying what you will do and doing what you have said. Punish them as soon as possible after the bad behavior. Never lay the burden on the other parent ie,"Wait till your father (or mother) gets home!"

Be clear. Establish clear rules and explain them clearly in advance. The child should never be in doubt about the rules.

Administer the punishment in private. If it is possible, never punish the child in front of others. This tends to provoke enmity in the child and may make them act even worse in order to save face.

Be reasonable Explain why instructions are being given, but do not be afraid to show your authority (you don’t owe your child an explanation for your decision, YOU make the rules) an explanation need only apply if you feel that you have not been clear about your reasoning initially. Try and see things from a child’s point of view.

Be FIRM and express your authority. If you hesitate or are visibly unsure, or guilty when you discipline your children you show them that you’re not in control. Remember that you have years of experience, so be firm in your decisions. Never let a child change persuade you otherwise. Have confidence in your decisions.

3.     BE PRESENT.

Your child doesn’t just need you around, they need you present. Play with your child, interact with them, ask questions and listen to their answers. Your child deserves at least a little bit of you each and every day, at least a few minutes where you are not considering anything but them. We make Family time 2 times a day every night during the week SUPPER time (or family dinner) at the table where we interact as a family with God then each other. (she really looks forward to this even volunteering to help set the table and fix drinks for everyone then offering to say prayer and she is always the first person to strike up the conversation)  I feel that this is the most important part of our days. Secondly we say family prayer before bed this is when she tells us everything she forgot to say at dinner and it makes bed time run smoothly she looks forward to 8:50 because she knows she gets tucked in and says her prayer and we are all together.  Kids crave togetherness and attention. Any child will  behave exceptionally when given the opportunity. Letting your child know they are important is like candy, they crave it!

Encourage family activities- we try and do a family activity every weekend this does not have to include spending money. Just being together and doing the same things together (not just being at the same place) being together the three of us working towards the same goal or purpose actually participating as a family unit gives a sense of belonging and togetherness. Attend social, sports, and religious events together. Playing a game participating in a sporting event, going somewhere to enjoy each other’s company NOT the company of others!

 

    4.   MODEL APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR

One of the most important things to remember as a parent! Monkey see Monkey do!  Children do as they see, not as they’re told. If you want your child to be mindful of others, you must be mindful of others yourself. If you want your child to by happy, you must smile without hesitation. There is no one more influential to your child than you.

5.     TEACH

There are plenty of skills not taught in school that play a massive role in defining who your children will grow up to be. Encourage excellence in all aspects of life. Extracurricular, school, responsibilities, money. Teach them everything you know about life and school, they will thank you for it. Kids respond to gratitude reward their extra efforts. Praise the good things they are doing then offer advice to improve it in a positive way. Reiterate your interest in their dedication.  Praise and acknowledge all their hard work and accomplishments and praise good decisions. Also teach your kid to make decisions in health, and money give them the opportunity to make the decision for themselves. Let them know if it is a good one or bad one and give them the opportunity to make the right choice based on their experience. Give them chores and responsibilities make them understand that it is expected and when they volunteer to do something not expected of them it should be rewarded. Children need the tools that will help them be the best that they can be in all aspects of life.

I hope this gives insight into being an involved parent and I pray you gain what I have. Our children are our future let’s make sure with safeguard them and give them all the things they need to thrive.